Faces of Adoption
Christina’s story
My name is Christina, I am 17 years old, and I have a beautiful,
healthy baby boy. He was born on January 1, 2005 at 12:36am.
He was 8 lbs., 3 oz. and
20 inches long at birth. I conceived while I was on birth
control and using a
condom. Needless to say, God was determined to bring this particular person
into the world.
A little bit about me: I am the youngest of my mother’s three children
and the only girl. My mother began using drugs during her pregnancy with me.
Luckily, I was not affected. Because of my mother’s ongoing habit we were
taken away from her. I then went to live with my father. My mother was a free-spirited,
happy, outgoing woman, but my father was strict and stern, having once been in
the military and then a police officer. My father raised me well, with plenty
of help. But as I progressed into my teen years, my father and I began to grow
apart as we moved from place to place and he divorced, re-married, and had a
son. I struggled, trying to find my identity under my father’s overprotective
roof. My relationship with my father deteriorated when we began to abuse one
another—first mentally and emotionally, then physical. At sixteen I left
home for good, and began to try to find myself in all the wrong places with all
the wrong people. I can see now how I hurt a lot of people around me, as well
as myself. Throughout those times God had called to me several times but I would
pay attention for only a little while, then continue in a life filled with all
the sins from which my father physically tried to shield me. I experienced being
accepted, then rejected as I moved from place to place and continued to find
trouble every step of the way. Then my father heard of a school from the pastor
of a church I used to attend. The pastor told my father that he sent his son
to this school and that it changed him from a person like I was at that time
to a more successful person. So I decided to enroll.
Before I had the nerve to go to the medical office, I knew
I was pregnant. I felt it in my heart. It took a lot of courage
to go to the nurse because I was
so well respected and had performed in a leadership position several times.
The nurse confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. She mentioned
many abortion options.
I more than considered it; I agreed to pursue it. However, just weeks before
someone had stolen all of the money I had earned and saved. I turned to distant
family members and they agreed to help me financially although they were terribly
disappointed in me. Once the money arrived, a date was set for the abortion.
However, I was chosen among a group of other cadets to represent the school
with my drill team in Maryland. The date for the abortion was
simply rescheduled rather
than canceled. The day of the actual surgery, word had gotten to the director
of the school about what I was about to do. He absolutely refused to allow
me to leave the base. About a month-and-a-half later I graduated.
I made another
appointment for the abortion. The problem then was that I needed a ride because
I would not be able to take a bus back to the place where I was staying. I
didn’t
have a home to go to. I knew at that point that it was more than just a coincidence
that I had tried with all my might to get this abortion, and each time, like
clockwork, the plan had failed. One day I had gone to my mentor’s house
and her husband spoke to me about abortions and God’s viewpoint and on
the matter. About two or three hours later I was so afraid of letting anything
hurt this child that I was extra careful from that day forward not to interrupt
God’s plan. Even though I was completely in the dark and nothing made sense
to me, I had decided to carry out this pregnancy.
Without the support of family or friends I was homeless and
all alone. A year earlier, I had seen my mother for the first
time in about twelve years. I knew
she lived in Florida, and on what street, so I decided to look for her and
see if I could help her out in her struggles. I spent the money
I was going to use
for the abortion for travel and other expenses. So when I came to Florida in
July, I was broke. Very soon after I realized that living with my mother was
not the wisest decision for me, due to her mental and emotional state, which
had been altered because of her drug abuse. Through a series of incidents I
wound up in a homeless shelter. From there I looked into a maternity
program, and then
finally decided on a teen maternity shelter. I was five months pregnant before
I began to eat on a more regular basis, rest the way I needed to, and receive
prenatal care.
I am amazed to realize how God used all of this in His plan.
One day I came across an adoption agency where there was a social
worker who explained how the adoption
process would work for me and for my child. I had considered adoption, but
at this point I was uncertain. She had asked me why I had considered
adoption. I
told her it was because I grew up with only one parent at a time, and that
what one struggled to give me I lacked from the other; also,
that there were times
I grew up without a parent at all. All of this caused me to grow up too fast,
then to lash out, not knowing who I was in life. I wanted so desperately not
to have my child grow up as a confused child in an adult world. Also, there
was a repeated cycle of abuse in my family, and I had decided
it would stop now—meaning
I was afraid of passing on the curse to my son. Please don’t misunderstand
me—months before I had fallen deeply in love with the baby in my womb.
I am not at all saying that I don’t believe I could do it (parent). I am
simply saying that by myself I could not do it the way I felt this child deserves.
I felt he would have a better opportunity of being a far greater person with
a real family who could bless him in ways I could only imagine. Therefore, I
had my own set of requirements for a family who might adopt my son, even beyond
those of the adoption agency.
Many people could not understand why I was pursuing adoption,
since I am a person of good health, good education, and such
strong will. So many concluded I was
making the decision for selfish reasons, knowing my goal was to attend the
Air Force Academy after graduation. Needless to say, they objected
to the idea and
discouraged me from it. Some would tell me not to give my baby away, although
I don’t see it as giving my child away. I would never do that. I am actually
giving my child a chance at a better life. But somehow there are people who just
can’t see it that way. The adoption agency actually told me all about a
family who turned out to be the perfect family for my child. They matched all
of my expectations and requirements. I had such a sense of peace as I received
letters and pictures from them and then spent time with them before the baby
was born.
When I was nine months pregnant, I had gained over forty pounds
and the baby was at a healthy weight. Just about every one of
my distant family and friends
did their best to try and convince me that I was about to make the biggest
mistake of my life. I had been struggling with it myself, because
I wished with all my
heart and soul that it could have been a time in my life when I could have
provided for this child. But to have others come to pull me in
that direction was confusing
torture. How easy it would have been for me to change my mind. Oh how sweet
the temptation was! I called my grandma and my father, who both
reopened my eyes
to reality and reassured me that I would not be making a mistake by choosing
to place my child in adoption. Every day I got on my knees to pray, asking
God if adoption or parenting was what He wanted for me and my
child.
After fifteen hours of labor I delivered, at 12:36am on January
1, 2005. I could not have been happier or more proud of my son.
I wouldn’t have thought
it to be possible, but at the moment they placed him on my chest I loved him
even more. My son and me. I invited the adoptive parents in and the adoptive
father cut the umbilical cord. After my baby became someone I could hold in my
arms, that’s right where he went, and stayed. I fed him and changed him.
I rocked him and held him close while he slept. Elaine and Eric, the adoptive
parents, were there doing just the same; stepping aside only for me. It filled my heart with joy to see how they graciously and
patiently took the role of parents, caring for him just as their
own. Having had the opportunity
to watch them care for my child and to hear how they are actively involved
in their other children’s lives put comfort in my heart. Throughout this entire
experience my eyes and the eyes of my heart have been opened to see what God
is doing in my life and in my son’s life. When it all came down to the
signing of the papers, it was as though my world was moving in slow motion. As
the documents were read to me I was thinking, “God, you allowed this to
happen, so it must be your will; OK, God, I trust you.” I held it all together
and didn’t even cry—not until I was signing that last paper. I couldn’t
even see, my eyes were so blurred by my tears. That night I promised my son that
I would not allow my decision for adoption to be made in vain.
The adoptive parents are going to call him Isaac, from the Bible.
In the Bible, Abraham had to trust God just as I did. Then
God told Abraham to sacrifice
his son. Abraham was devastated just as I was during the signing, but then
I felt
that God told me what He told Abraham—that my son’s descendents
would lead many nations. And so I smile. As I lay down that night to sleep,
without
my baby, I couldn’t help but feel a great sense of loss. I didn’t
have a baby to feed or change or take care of. I wasn’t pregnant anymore.
I had loved being pregnant. You know, I was never upset about being pregnant—I
was only upset at myself for getting pregnant. Being pregnant was the greatest
blessing of my life.
Now I have a reason to exist. All of my unanswered questions were answered.
Someone far greater than me had grown inside of me. I protected him and kept
him healthy
and happy and strong. My mistake for getting pregnant was the ultimate blessing
in disguise. I have learned what love really is, and how strong I am, and just
how much I’ve grown. Now I need to learn how to love from a distance. My
son has been blessed with all the things a child should have and he has blessed
his new family. If I had a chance to go back and do it all over again, I would
rather my pregnancy have been planned, that I would have been married, and that
I would be parenting my child. How anyone else feels about what I have done is
irrelevant because I made my decisions on my knees, prayerfully. My future holds
no limits. God’s perfect plan worked out just as it should have—perfectly.
I feel so grateful and lucky, so blessed. Some Scriptures that have helped me
are as follows: Ephesians 1:5: “He planned for us to be adopted as His
sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with His pleasure and will.” 2
Corinthians speaks of God’s comfort. John 15:13 reads, “Greater love
has no man than this; that he lay down his life for his friends.” And let
me tell you, I love my son far more than my friends. Matthew 5:4: “Blessed
are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
^ TOP ^
Collette
and Eddie’s
story
My name is Collette, and I’m 21 years old. I’m about halfway through
my senior year at college, with hopes of teaching elementary school-aged children
one day. I’ve always loved kids, and I think I’ll really be a natural.
All my young nieces and nephews have always looked up to me, and I know that
teaching is what I’m meant to do. I’ve really not had what you’d
call a steady relationship since high school, but Eddie and I enjoy each other’s
company and we agreed that we would just be friends…as they say, with benefits.
It seemed harmless enough; no strings attached. After all, we weren’t
hurting anyone.
The long and the short of it is that now I’m three months pregnant. Eddie’s
in a panic, tearing through the phone book, looking for a way to “get rid
of the problem,” as he put it. As I listened on the extension while he
called numerous abortion clinics, my emotions raced from relief to horror as
various methods of “helping us” were described. How ironic, I thought.
Here I am spending every waking moment struggling for a career where I can make
a difference in the life of a child. And now here I am, actually considering
taking the life of an innocent child. After we hung up from the last abortion
clinic call, Eddie and I sat in total silence for what seemed like forever. What
followed next was probably the most honest conversation of our entire relationship.
Why should this baby, as tiny as it was within me, have to pay, with his or her
life, for our irresponsible behavior? What began as a very powerless feeling
was rapidly evolving in to a very powerful position. We had a choice to make.
Should we give our child life? And then we thought, “Is that not a decision
only God is entitled to make?”
In the days following, we contacted an adoption
agency that gave us information about Christian couples who had met the qualifications
for adoption, and who
were now waiting to be parents. We were told that the majority of the couples
had experienced years of infertility and heartbreak. Eddie and I decided
that our decision to place our child in adoption would enable
us to make sense of
all this. We had the opportunity to choose our child’s parents-to-be from
an album of approved and waiting couples. The adoption agency arranged for Eddie
and me to meet the couple and to hear for ourselves how much our gift of life
meant to them. Vivian was born one week before my scheduled due date, and the
couple we chose was able to come to the hospital shortly after she was born.
I will always treasure in my heart what my child’s adoptive mommie said
to me that day, as she held my precious little angel in her arms: “Now
I know why we waited so long to be parents; it was for this special child.
Thank
you.”
^ TOP ^
Jackie’s story
My name is Jackie, and I had my first child when I was 16. My
mom raised my two sisters and me herself, as my dad had not
been in the picture for years. I know she did the best she
could, working all those extra shifts, just so we’d have
enough to pay our bills. My sisters and I always had pretty
much taken care of each other, since mom worked so much. When
I got pregnant with my son, Jeremy, I think it really disappointed
my mom, and she said she took a lot of the blame for not giving
me enough supervision. I wanted to finish high school, but
I heard that the daycare on campus was not very good and I
felt it would be best for Jeremy if I just quit school and
stayed home to take care of him. Now I’m almost 18 and
six months pregnant. I just found out I’m having a little
girl. I’ve always wanted a daughter to love, who would
love me, and whom I could take care of the way my mom always
said she wished she’d been able to take care of my sisters
and me. I’ve thought about taking some classes and of
being a hairstylist one day, like my cousin, Jody. I really
want to make a good life for Jeremy and myself. I just don’t
see how I can provide for two children. It’s not just
the money—I’m on assistance—but also the
other stuff. Even though I’m almost 18 now, becoming
a mom at such a young age, I feel I still have a lot of things
I never got a chance to do. Most of my friends went on with
their lives after I had Jeremy and quit school.
The day I told my best friend, Aimee, that I was thinking about
adoption for my baby girl, was not a good one. She said I was
lazy and selfish for even
thinking of not raising her myself. But she was wrong. I love my son, Jeremy,
and as his mom I know what it takes to have a child be totally dependant
on you day and night for everything. I explained to Aimee that
is was because
I already had so many responsibilities, at such a young age, that I could,
in good conscience, even think about adoption as the best option for my daughter.
Although I don’t think Aimee really understood or agreed with me completely,
my best friend supported me in my decision. She even went with me to see my
adoption counselor, and looked through all the pictures and letters of approved
couples who were waiting. She was there for me the day I met Tony and Tenisha
for the first time, and as they told us how long they had waited for this blessing.
I never knew you could get pictures and updates about your child after he/she
had been placed with his/her adoptive parents, but you can. Tony and Tenisha
said that I will always hold a special place in their hearts, and that they
will always tell this child how much I loved her, and how I wanted her to be
provided for in a way that I am just not prepared to do right now. I feel really
good about my decision, and my friend Aimee—now she understands.
^ TOP ^
Marjorie’s
story
My name is Marjorie, and I admit that I am living a life I’m not
proud of. I got hooked on drugs as a teenager and unfortunately, now in
my late
twenties, I have been in and out of de-tox more times than I can remember.
The things
I have done to support my habit have been both immoral and illegal. I really
do want a fresh start, but the harder I try, it seems the deeper I get
myself into trouble. Last year I even got arrested for prostitution. Right
now I
am four months pregnant, and my baby has been exposed to alcohol and heroin
since
conception. I am at a point in my life where I need to do something drastic.
I have admitted myself into a residential treatment center, with the hope
of delivering this baby drug-free. I already know all about adoption, as
I have
two cousins who joined our family through that process. Now I am hoping
that there will be an adoptive couple willing to give my child the life
she deserves,
even though I made very bad choices for her during the first half of my
pregnancy. As part of my case plan, my counselor listed adoption as one
of my goals.
I made calls to different adoption agencies until I felt really comfortable
with
the information I was given. But would there be a couple that would be
willing to adopt my baby? What would they think of me? Would they turn
their back
on my baby, because of my stupidity? Although I had been raised in a Christian home, as a young teen,
I had strayed into a life of rebellion and promiscuity. When
it came to this critical decision
for my child, I knew I would only be at peace if he or she were placed with
a Christian couple. For the first time in a very long while, I feel I am
on the right path. It’s no longer about me, it’s about my baby, and
’s best for him or her.
^ TOP ^
Angela and Connor’s story
My name is Angela, and I am 27 years old. I was in a steady relationship
with by boyfriend, Connor, for about five years before becoming
pregnant. We thought
we would spend the rest of our lives together, but somehow, with the news of
the pregnancy, things just started to fall apart. It seemed that the commitment
between Connor and me began to wane, and throughout the pregnancy he became
more and more removed from our relationship, until one day he announced that
he was moving out. We had rational discussions about raising our child together,
yet living separately. I think I knew from the first day he left that raising
this child as a single woman was going to be my greatest challenge. I
contacted a crisis pregnancy center that gave emotional and material support
to single mothers, and was able to talk to some
women who were experiencing
single parenthood firsthand. After much soul-searching, I came to the realization
that I would never be able to provide for my child in the manner that she
deserved. At that point, I began to think about my brother and
his wife, who were not
able to conceive a child. Connor and I met with them and discussed the possibility
of them legally adopting our baby. We also received encouragement from extended
family members. After Jessica was born, Connor and I signed the adoption
papers, giving our daughter the chance for a life of stability
with the opportunities
every child deserves. We know the choice we made was the best choice for
our little girl, and we are proud to be her birth parents.
^ TOP ^
Elise
and Darin’s
story
My name is Elise, and I’m 15 years old. Darin and I have been going out
for about a year now; he’ll turn 17 next month. Although we’d crossed
the line of casual dating, I figured it was okay, since we loved each other,
and planned to get married some day. Then one day, I couldn’t believe
it—I was late. In a panic, Darin ran out and picked up one of those pregnancy
tests. My mind was racing: “This cannot be happening! I’m too young.
We’re not ready yet. We want to be together forever; but….I just
can’t be pregnant, not yet; it’s just too soon!”
I confided in my school guidance counselor, as I figured my
parents would absolutely kill me if they found out Darin and
I had been having sex, let alone that I’m
pregnant. My parents have very high expectations for me, since I am their oldest
girl, and being a teenage statistic is definitely not one of them. We knew
that Darin’s parents would not take the news much better, although his
sister had become pregnant three years ago, and had placed her baby for adoption.
Darin had told me about his sister getting pregnant, when we first started
going out, and said that the only way she redeemed herself with his parents
was by placing the baby with adoptive parents.
I told Darin that if we made a decision to place our baby in
adoption, that it would be because we felt it was the best thing
for our baby, and not because
we wanted to keep the peace with our parents. Darin agreed that our baby
was a good thing, but at a bad time. We knew from watching Darin’s sister
place her baby in adoption that many times couples wait years before receiving
the child they adopt. For them, the timing would be perfect. Darin and I just
are not stable enough financially or emotionally to think about raising a child
right now. We agreed that we want to give our child the best things life has
to offer, and to give him or her the life he or she deserves. At this point,
we just aren’t able to do that. We have decided to put our child’s
needs before our own. Darin got the number of the adoption agency from his
sister, and we have made the decision to make the call. I am proud to say that
we not only chose life for our child, but a good life for him or her, through
adoption!
^ TOP ^
Austin and Nancy’s story
My name is Austin, and I am 27 years old. I have a ten-year-old
son who has been living with friends of the family on and off
for years now. This is not
what we wanted for Byran, but both his mother and I had fallen into a life
of addiction, and placing him with this family was an alternative to his becoming
involved in the foster care system. At this point in his life, we can see that
it is becoming very confusing for our son. He needs to know that he has a stable
home and people who will always be there for him. His mother, Nancy, and I
realize now that we are being irresponsible as parents to keep moving Byran
back and forth as we have “good months and bad months.”
It was an incredibly difficult decision, but Nancy and I have
decided to consent legally to allowing Byran to be adopted by
this wonderful family. This was
not an easy or careless decision; we love our son more than you can imagine,
and have spent many nights agonizing over this. Our son did not choose to
come into this world and have parents who were not prepared to
give their child
the stability and guidance he deserves. We have made many bad decisions in
our life, and we know that it is time to stop being selfish. Byran will never
have to worry about a roof over his head or having enough food in the refrigerator,
or having no ride to school because his parents are too hung over. With this
couple as his adoptive parents, our son will finally have the life he was
meant to have.
And that is why we are giving him the gift of adoption; so he can grow up
in the home he has always deserved—so that he can be all he was meant to
be.
^ TOP ^
Erika and Linton’s story
My name is Erika and I’m 19 years old. I have been on my own for about
two years now. My dad has been a drug addict for as long as I can remember
and my mom has terminal cancer. Linton is a guy that has been with me for about
six months now. We have been doing a lot of traveling, usually staying at teen
homeless shelters in whatever city we find ourselves. The last shelter required
a mini-physical, and I came up with a positive pregnancy test. Right away Linton
and I decided that an abortion was the solution. When the counselor at the
shelter asked me if I had thought of how I was going to be able to take care
of a baby, I told her that it wouldn’t be an issue, as we had decided
on abortion, and in fact, already had figured a way to come up with the money
for it. She said I needed to have all the facts so I could make an
informed decision. As I looked through the brochures she gave
me and saw the actual pictures of
babies before they were born, something happened in my heart. This was not
just the piece of tissue the clinic assured me was in there. In fact, according
to what I read, my baby’s heart was already beating. This was a perfectly
formed, tiny baby, just growing bigger. After seeing those pictures I knew
that I could never harm this tiny life within me. At the same time, Linton
and I couldn’t even take care of ourselves—how in the world could
we provide for a baby? Certainly no child deserves to begin life in a homeless
shelter. We told the counselor about our change of heart regarding the abortion,
but that we obviously were not in any position to even think about parenting.
She told us that she knew of an adoption agency that could guide us through
the adoption process, and knew of other couples who had worked with them.
I made the call and the adoption counselor met with Linton and me the next
day.
We never realized how many choices we would be given surrounding
the adoption process. First of all, we were asked if we wanted
to select the adoptive
couple from those who had already been approved for adoption. We were also
told that
we would be able to meet the couple and to choose to receive photos and
information about the child after the adoption.
I know it may sound strange to think that we would care about these things;
after all, we were considering ending our child’s life. But like I said
before, something happened in my heart the day I saw the pictures of those
tiny pre-born babies. Like my mom use to say, “God has a reason and a
purpose.” This was my chance to make sense of my life and the choices
I had been making. I even called my mom, whom I had not contacted in over
six months. When I told her about the baby she cried, and told me how proud
she
was of me for making such a responsible decision.
The day the baby was born, Linton and I shared in the joy at
the hospital, with the adoptive couple we had chosen; and it
was one of the happiest days
of my life.
^ TOP ^
Cindy’s story
My name is Maddie, and I became a grandmother at thirty-eight.
Cindy, my 16-year-old daughter, called it “snooping,” the day I discovered her positive
pregnancy test in her pants pocket while gathering a load of laundry.
We adopted Cindy when she was just 3 days old. Her birth mother
was only 14 at the time of her birth. Cindy will tell you that
she can never remember the
day she found out that she was adopted. My husband and I always wanted to
assure her that she became a part of our family through the miraculous
process of
adoption, and that we felt honored to have been chosen by her birth mother
to be her parents.
When I found that pregnancy test, the first thing I did was
call my husband, Jack, at work. We prayed that God would, above
all, help us assure Cindy that
we loved her, no matter what she had done. That night after dinner, we had
a heart-to-heart talk with Cindy. After her initial annoyance at my discovering
the test results, she was actually relieved by our love and lack of judgment
toward her. Despite this, she hung her head in shame, as she admitted for
the first time that she was incapable of raising her own child
at this time in
her life. She cried as she recalled her dreams of completing college and
of going to medical school, with aspirations of becoming a cardiologist.
She expressed
feelings of sadness and disappointment with herself to her father and me.
With our support, our very courageous 16-year-old made the
very adult decision to bless a family with the gift of adoption.
Jonathan was born when Cindy was
8_ months pregnant and, after a short hospital stay, was placed with Jeff
and Sandy for adoption. Since that time, Cindy receives updates
and pictures of
Jonathan through the adoption agency. She finds comfort and pride in realizing
that she had the courage to give her baby the life he deserved; a life she
just wasn’t ready to provide for him.
^ TOP ^
Jenny’s Story
I admit it—the first words out of my mouth were, “What kind of
a monster are you?” That was my reaction the day my best friend, Jenny,
told me she was pregnant, and that she had made the decision to place the baby
with adoptive parents. I just didn’t get it. “How can you carry
a baby through nine months of pregnancy,” I asked, “only to give
the child away for someone else to raise?” I told her that I would get
an abortion before I’d give my baby away to strangers.
Jenny and I had been best friends for years, and after she
let me “vent,” we
had a heart-to-heart talk for the next three hours. Jenny told me that she
wanted to be a mom some day; to be a good mom, and to raise her child the right
way—to be able to provide all the things every child deserves: not just
material needs, but a stable home, with a mom and a dad who are prepared for
parenthood. Jenny said she had been speaking with an adoption counselor who
told her about all the couples who come to the adoption agency after years
of heartbreak—that it is not uncommon for some couples to go through
nine or ten cycles of painful infertility treatments and even surgeries, in
hopes of becoming parents. She said that through tears, couples sit across
that counselor’s desk and speak of unfulfilled dreams of having a child;
and of coming to adoption with the hope and prayer of that dream coming true.
Jenny said she knew what my initial reaction would be, and
that’s why
she wanted to be very very sure of her decision before she told me about her
adoption plans. She told me that she was at peace with her decision, and had
confidence in the adoption agency—that she was in good hands; ones capable
of understanding that the choice was very difficult for her. The adoption counselor
told Jenny that she could choose the parents herself and even meet them if
she wanted to—that the adoptive parents would always assure her child
that Jenny’s decision for adoption was one of love.
As I said, Jenny is my best friend, and I respect her for getting
all the facts before she made her decision for adoption. I will
support her in whatever she
believes is right for her baby. After all, that’s what best friends do.
^ TOP ^ |
